Tanning trials and tribulations

Tanning season is upon us ladies (and gentlemen), and to celebrate the arrival of 30 degree (Celsius!) weather, summer storms, white beaches, and an influx of mozzies and flying ants, I thought I would save you the trouble of hunting for the perfect fake tan, and discuss my own findings.

A child of one white, freckled English guy, I missed out on all my mother’s awesome tanning abilities. That woman could change shade like a pro – think less Aussie and more Hawaiian dream in a bikini. Several years later and her two daughters shame her with glowing whiteness and and a record-breaking burning time.

“But Laura you don’t need to be tanned to be beautiful!” Just get out. Go. Leave. We’re done. I am not of the pale English rose type with alabaster skin, gleaming like porcelain, creamy as milk. I am the “good god woman, you look really unwell, are you ok? You know you have blue veins on your eyelids right?” That kinda white.

My first attempt with fake tan was a Model Co Airbrush Tan in a Can. I’m not entirely sure if this was my technique, or the product, but this did not go according to plan. A spray nozzle at the top of a bottle does not make tanning your back any easier, and that stuff goes freakin everywhere. Like do it in your shower, and take the bleach with you. Thinking I was nice and even, I waited, I washed, I did not turn anything like the colour of the bronzers in the solution. I was patchy and a little orange. I potentially wouldn’t recommend this for beginners, or the super pale like me.

Then I gave Garnier spray a go – same deal with the airbrush thing – impossible. And this came out super orange, but that was back in the day so I can’t guarantee that’s still the case. I also found the colour in the end wasn’t worth all the hassle.

My next tanning adventure was Le Tan Bronze Instant Lotion. This was actually my tan of choice for a couple of summers, the colour was even, it smelled amazing when you put it on, and I wasn’t too orange. Funnily enough though, now I look back and think I looked orange in every photo, but I don’t think it was too super bad. A good one for medium toned skin, and cheap, and easy application. Maybe not for a special occasion though. I also tried the mousse of this and didn’t have great results and gave up on it and went back to the lotion which seemed to come out more evenly distributed.

Then I discovered the world of spray tanning as a beauty therapist. SO quick, so easy, so overpriced. But hey, I got them for free.

If you see Sun FX – run. Not a fan. Their lighter colours always seemed to look orange on me, and their darker, 2 hour green-based tan, literally poured out of the bottle a deep green. If that’s any indication of the colour after it set – well yeah.

Envogue – not really marketed, but if you ask the therapist which solution they use, this one is a good one! Great deep brown colour, 2 hour tan is fabulous, non-sticky. But be warned, the 2 hour or darker tan can come out seriously dark, so opt for a light or medium colour if it’s your first time trying.

A couple of years ago I went along to Beauty Expo and saw Bondi Sands, and Moroccan Tan. My friend and I watched the Bondi Sands models strutting in their tans and we couldn’t decide if they looked seasick, or gangrenous. Wow green base should not equal green tan.

Moroccan Tan has been a winner ever since, their instant Original Mousse is to die for, easy to apply, non-sticky, smells good, 2 hour minimum development time, great bronze colour after washing off, and lasts 7 days wearing off evenly and without patches.

I ran out of that once and in desperation bought a J-Bronze Dark Tanning Mousse. Worst decision of my life. I was so sticky, I couldn’t sit down for an hour and had to wait minimum 4 hours. I slept in it, woke up, was what I consider lightly tanned, and I’m sorry to say, on the more orange side. I still have ¾ bottle in my cupboard that I am avoiding like the plague.

Now since starting my salon, it was a tossup between Envogue, and trying the Moroccan Tan professional range. Using my friends as Guinea Pigs, I’d say we’re pretty darned happy with Moroccan Tan! The Original solution which I’m wearing now is like a perfect airbrushed version of my at-home mousse, and the skin conditioners in the solution mean I can’t stop gliding my legs together and touching my arms – I know. Sexual. I left mine of for 4 hours (2 hour minimum) and I’m thrilled with the colour.

The Coco solution made my Serbian already-tanned friend look like she’s just spent a week on the beach in Mauritius. And her trial last night of the Moroccan Nights has made her look super dark, better suited for dark skin types but she loves it nonetheless.

Let me know if you have any other favourite tans, and good luck bronzing for summer! Keep in mind I don’t believe in outrageously priced $50 spray tans that I see everywhere, you can pop in for one at M&E for $35, or $29 on Thursday’s during Spray Tan Happy Hour 🙂

All my love xx

P.s. Apologies for the booty shots. You can see my white bum at the bottom – this is a natural kind of tone tan on me – as in I am that white, I need to go normal human colour. Lighting probably doesn’t do it justice her, a bit browner than it looks. My friends Serbian booty is above. 

   
  

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